Friday, September 3, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The Parachute Phenomenon
My ruminations have been about absolutely philosophical things...Liking it, but its not doing much for the funny bone in me. So out with all that stuff for a while and let me write about Neil's latest musings!
Neil was more worried than me or Vinod about my skydiving expedition. After we drove in and settled down, all Neil could see were these people going in a plane and suddenly popping out from the sky with balloon or "bayoon" like things attached to their bodies. He looked, then looked again, and then when he couldn't understand anymore, he just cried. When it was his mama's turn, he saw this man putting something on his mama, pulling at her, tugging at her, and then making her do all these crazy things. He came running and held on to my legs and started crying again. In his little world, of what he could comprehend, it looked like someone was taking his mommy away to become this giant bird.
So he saw his mom, "go up in a pain and come down in a pa-chute." So from that day on everything that went up in a plane always came down in a parachute! When Vinod has to travel out of town, he explains to our little aviation buff that he has to go away for a few days, and that Dada will be back soon. The conversation goes something like this:
Vinod says, "Neil, Dada has to go to Chicago. Dada is going in a plane."
Neil promptly responds," Dada go in pain, and come down in pa-chute."
No matter where Vinod goes these days, he always comes back in a pa-chute! How adventurous and exciting Neil makes our suburban Texan life. What a way to travel!!! Go up in a plane and come down in an parachute. Ha!
Neil was more worried than me or Vinod about my skydiving expedition. After we drove in and settled down, all Neil could see were these people going in a plane and suddenly popping out from the sky with balloon or "bayoon" like things attached to their bodies. He looked, then looked again, and then when he couldn't understand anymore, he just cried. When it was his mama's turn, he saw this man putting something on his mama, pulling at her, tugging at her, and then making her do all these crazy things. He came running and held on to my legs and started crying again. In his little world, of what he could comprehend, it looked like someone was taking his mommy away to become this giant bird.
So he saw his mom, "go up in a pain and come down in a pa-chute." So from that day on everything that went up in a plane always came down in a parachute! When Vinod has to travel out of town, he explains to our little aviation buff that he has to go away for a few days, and that Dada will be back soon. The conversation goes something like this:
Vinod says, "Neil, Dada has to go to Chicago. Dada is going in a plane."
Neil promptly responds," Dada go in pain, and come down in pa-chute."
No matter where Vinod goes these days, he always comes back in a pa-chute! How adventurous and exciting Neil makes our suburban Texan life. What a way to travel!!! Go up in a plane and come down in an parachute. Ha!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Loss of Friendship
When I was younger, the life ahead of me was full of light. Let me explain the term light in my world. When I pictured my life 10 years from when I was 20, the image that came to mind was one where I'm sitting in the middle of a huge, hand carved, wooden table surrounded by my family, with a table full of food placed in a kitchen glowing and basking in morning light. Of course, my friends sat at either ends from me and watched me bask in this glorious light of love and togetherness. It was sacred like the painting of the last supper. I held this image very close to my heart, always! Love gets spurned, marriages get bitter, but your true friends you always know deep down you can count on for the rest of your life! Or at least that's what I thought...
I grew up with these folks. We were trying to figure out this confusing world together. We spent hours sitting on the terrace on starry nights making pacts, singing, confessing, crying, and laughing it all away before hitting the bed in the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes we talked about nothing! But it always felt right.
Somewhere things changed. I moved to another continent, but held on to that image in my mind. They moved on, but let go of me and that life. They made new friends and forgot about the old one that was always there. I on the other hand, thought of them as the only friends and never made any for years! I tried for several years to figure out how I wronged them. I made the calls, I wrote the letters, but I always tried, and I think, I tried too hard. It dawns on me now. Everything in life is transient, and it applies to friends as well. To be a true friend, one has to immerse oneself, utterly and completely in the life of the other. Todd May says, "We might say of friendships that they are a matter not of diversion or of return but of meaning. They render us vulnerable, and in doing so they add dimensions of significance to our lives that can only arise from being, in each case, friends with this or that particular individual, a party to this or that particular life." How very true.
We happened in each others lives to add meaning and significance to it at a certain time and in a way that nobody else could. It was the moment, and it was right. We cannot do that for each other anymore, and therefore, the thread has come loose and the fabric has given way. We had to go our separate ways, and we did.
I grew up with these folks. We were trying to figure out this confusing world together. We spent hours sitting on the terrace on starry nights making pacts, singing, confessing, crying, and laughing it all away before hitting the bed in the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes we talked about nothing! But it always felt right.
Somewhere things changed. I moved to another continent, but held on to that image in my mind. They moved on, but let go of me and that life. They made new friends and forgot about the old one that was always there. I on the other hand, thought of them as the only friends and never made any for years! I tried for several years to figure out how I wronged them. I made the calls, I wrote the letters, but I always tried, and I think, I tried too hard. It dawns on me now. Everything in life is transient, and it applies to friends as well. To be a true friend, one has to immerse oneself, utterly and completely in the life of the other. Todd May says, "We might say of friendships that they are a matter not of diversion or of return but of meaning. They render us vulnerable, and in doing so they add dimensions of significance to our lives that can only arise from being, in each case, friends with this or that particular individual, a party to this or that particular life." How very true.
We happened in each others lives to add meaning and significance to it at a certain time and in a way that nobody else could. It was the moment, and it was right. We cannot do that for each other anymore, and therefore, the thread has come loose and the fabric has given way. We had to go our separate ways, and we did.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Neil turned 19 months yesterday. I seem to keep count of everyday; a day in his life is a gift in mine. Right now, I'm moved beyond words and tears to put down what I feel for my son. It is quite inexplicable. It is pain, joy, love, and so many other emotions all intertwined. My heart can go to the depths of hell and rise to the glory of heaven in the blink of an eye when I am with Neil. How does one explain the love of a mother for her child?
The pain and anguish I felt when Neil had his surgery; the joy when he took his very first step; the suffering when he was in the ER, the pride when he uttered his very first word. These experiences go beyond actual words. I write them down, but the real experience does not come anywhere close to what I feel in these moments. When I am not swinging between extremes, I am content like a duck in placid water. Being there for him as he takes baby steps towards becoming an adult makes me happy like nothing I've known before.
I am an independent, strong, and a terribly willful person, but being 'Neil's mother' somehow alters my personality. Yes, I go through my battles in my head, but those are somehow outside of me. He makes me want to be a better person. Always!
The pain and anguish I felt when Neil had his surgery; the joy when he took his very first step; the suffering when he was in the ER, the pride when he uttered his very first word. These experiences go beyond actual words. I write them down, but the real experience does not come anywhere close to what I feel in these moments. When I am not swinging between extremes, I am content like a duck in placid water. Being there for him as he takes baby steps towards becoming an adult makes me happy like nothing I've known before.
I am an independent, strong, and a terribly willful person, but being 'Neil's mother' somehow alters my personality. Yes, I go through my battles in my head, but those are somehow outside of me. He makes me want to be a better person. Always!
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